Get Your Ex Back By Examining Your Own Actions
Breakups are never easy – especially if you never saw them coming. You were probably picturing a future with this person, and the last thing you wanted was to see that relationship come to an end. Apparently your ex felt differently about the state of things and before you knew it, it was over.
All you can think about is getting your relationship back, but you’ve tried everything you can think of and it hasn’t changed a thing. In fact, it seems that the situation has continued to deteriorate and all of your efforts have only made a difficult situation even harder. You may feel on the brink of giving up entirely.
The world seems to have stopped in its tracks. Your ex is all that you can think of, and your sole purpose in life seems to revolve around somehow making your broken relationship come back together. If you’re looking up articles on the subject, you are probably on your last legs but you haven’t gotten to the point where you’re ready to throw in the towel. There is hope – getting your ex back can be done.
The problem is how to make that chance a reality. You must exercise caution in what you say, what you do and how you do it. If you make a huge mistake now, you may end up blowing all of your chances at once. If you do it correctly, however, you may be on the road to your long-awaited reconnection.
Your fate largely rests in your own hands. Most breakups can be reversed if the situation is approached correctly. The way the breakup went down and how you took the news figures largely into the equation. You also need to start taking action, but not all actions will help move you in the right direction. Your ex left the relationship for a reason. Sitting there waiting for the correct love potion to miraculously materialize in front of your beer just isn’t going to cut it. Problems don’t resolve themselves. They take effort and time. You’ve got both, so put them to good use.
The first thing you can do is get yourself in the right head space. You can’t expect to just jump back into the game unprepared and expect to come out on top. You need to plan your next moves carefully so you can approach your specific circumstance intelligently. You can use your brain to increase your chances of a reconnection sooner rather than later. They won’t take you back if they have no desire to do so. That’s your first hurdle to overcome.
Face it – you’re not going to be satisfied with a temporary fix to your relationship problems. Getting them back doesn’t mean much if you can’t hold on to them and encourage growth in the relationship. The existent problems need to be addressed in order to improve your new relationship’s chance for success. The following guide will lead you one step at a time to rediscovering yourself while reconnecting your relationship. This is your wakeup call and your call to action, so get started now.
Handle the Breakup Maturely
Take a minute to consider how a typical breakup works. This may be your first breakup experience, but you’ve probably gone through this before. Look to your past experience to try and determine what’s going on in your ex’s mind throughout the process. This will help you examine your thoughts and feelings rationally and not allow a negative scenario to spiral out of control.
Breakups by definition require a level of rejection. This person that you’ve committed to for a period of time doesn’t think you’re worth staying with anymore and the human brain automatically kicks in a fight or flight response. Since you care about this person despite what’s happening, you’ll want to put up a fight. You think that your breakup is like a courtroom and if you give a convincing enough argument, your ex may reconsider. You can list the positive attributes of your relationship on your fingers but nothing you say is going to have an impact.
As you formulate your response, you can sense a change in the air. You’re losing them. They’re no longer paying attention to what you’re saying and you’re having no impact whatsoever. They have already made a decision and no amount of fighting or pleading is going to alter their current reality. You realize that this is probably not a spur of the moment decision and that your ex has been considering this possibility for quite some time – and it’s an additional stab in the back to realize that you were not a part of their process.
It’s normal to try to stop this process in its tracks and attempt in any way possible to convince your ex that they’re making a large mistake. No one wants to feel as if they’re not good enough. No one wants to know that the person they’ve invested their time and energy in isn’t seeing the situation in the same way. Before continuing, try to think about what you’re doing and why. Instead of putting up a fight based purely on instinct, ask yourself why this relationship is something you really want.
Putting up a fight is such a normal response; your ex has had the time and foresight to protect themselves from your expected reaction. They’re going to be prepared for resistance and they’ll be aware of your feelings throughout the process. They’ve had enough time to come up with a response to whatever you say and they are not open to the possibility of reconsidering their position.
Since this decision has been brewing in the back of their minds for some time, no amount of resistance is going to be effective. If they’ve decided that they really want out of the relationship, they’re going to stick to that choose no matter what you do. Instead of resisting needlessly and putting all your hope on the actual breakup itself, do something that they’ll never see coming. Just accept the reality of the situation and allow them to leave.
Don’t Stalk Your Ex!
It is really easy to slip into the trap of stalking an ex. You may think that you are doing nothing wrong here, that your behaviour post break up is normal, but step back and look at what you are doing before it gets out of hand. Constant innocent seeming texts, trawling their Facebook wall for clues about what they are up to, asking his friends and family how they are. It all adds up and fast. Your ex will be paying extra close attention to how you are behaving after the break up and how you are dealing with it. Don’t think that they will not be aware of your continued interest in them. THEY WILL.
Before long, your calls, texts and emails will look kinda desperate and your ex will view you in an even more negative light than they did when you split. You want to avoid this at all costs. Your ex has to see you positively if you are to have any hope of winning back their affections. The last way you want your ex to view you is like some kind of crazy stalker who will not leave them alone. Not only will you be pushing them even further away, you will look pathetic and destroy all the good memories that your ex has of your relationship. Just be careful here and show some self restraint.
Remember Why Your Ex Fell For You In The First Place
No matter how long ago the two of you got together, you are still the same person that your ex was attracted to back then. You may have lost this spark or sometimes, you can become too comfortable with your partner, letting the excitement and mystery slide. You can get back the magic that you once had with your ex and spark those memories again. Make him/her realise that they would be a fool to give you up.
Try to think back to what your ex liked about you before you got together, what they found special about you. How were things between you? You need to try and get this excitement back. Attraction has a lot to do with mystery. Your ex wanted to find out more about you as they found you interesting. You should develop an air of mystery again and make your ex realise that you have many layers and that they didn’t now everything about you. Social media is a perfect way for you to do this. You can use updates and pics to show your ex that you are still interesting and have a full life with lots of talents and goals. Not only will your ex wonder why you are getting on with your life so well, they will learn that you are well rounded and are more exciting than they thought. It’s a win win.
Maybe you were wittier when you first met your ex, you pursued your hobbies to the full and you had more fun. Things can slip after a while and you can get stuck in a rut in a relationship. Maybe your ex just got bored as things were not as fun as they once were anymore. Make them see that you can have fun without them and that they are the ones missing out not being with you anymore.
Don’t Fall For These Common Mistakes
No breakup is completely finalized at the time that it happens. There is usually always a chance of getting back together – unless you screw up and snatch your chance away before you can really begin. You’re so desperate in that vulnerable moment that it’s typical to say or do things that are not like you at all. Giving in to those impulses can end up only ruining your reconciliation attempts later on.
If you find yourself on your knees begging for a second chance, you’re effectively proving that your ex was right to leave. They’re viewing all of these actions as justification for leaving you in the first place. You never thought you’d be the kind of person to resort to these types of moves to keep a relationship you so desperately want, but you’re simply trying to stop the process and acting out of instinct to make the hurt stop completely.
Behaving this way in front of your ex will only cement this moment in their mind forever. Instead of remembering you for the person you were, they will see you at your weakest point and that will be the memory that sticks. Desperation is not an attractive quality to anyone, especially when evaluating a potential dating partner.
You may find yourself saying things that don’t even make any sense. You’re promising to fix all the problems within your relationship and vowing that all of your shortcomings can be fixed – even if they’re not your shortcomings. If you make a bunch of worthless promises at this point, any dignity you had left is slowly draining away and there will be nothing left for your ex to respect.
Handle the Situation Calmly
There is nothing calm about an unwanted breakup. You’re not alone if you think that keeping your cool is the farthest thing from possible on the planet, but it is imperative that you try. Don’t allow your feelings to run away with you and don’t give in to knee-jerk reactions before you can consider the consequences of what you do or say. If you lose your cool, you’ll only be making the process of getting back together more difficult than it will already be.
Despite how crappy you feel at this particular moment, the reality of the situation isn’t as hopeless as you think. Time seems to creep by slowly as you deal with the internal loneliness of the void created in your life by your ex leaving. Getting back together may seem hopeless, but it’s not.
Don’t worry about how much time has passed right now. Don’t give in to panic. You need to think things through and you need to keep a level head. Instead of running out the door to create an “accidental” run-in with your ex, sit down and examine your motivations prior to making any sudden (and potentially damaging) moves. Despite what you may think, stalking is never an attractive quality and your ex won’t appreciate your efforts.
Be Patient And Determined
The beginning of your relationship may seem a million miles away. You both were completely infatuated with each other and couldn’t get enough time together. That time and place are not completely inaccessible regardless of how you feel right now. You can get back there with a lot less trouble than you think.
Not a lot of people are blessed with the gift of patience. It’s easy to throw in the towel and deal with the situation as it seems and not how it really is. In order to find your way back to a place where reconciliation is possible, you need to examine your options, arm yourself with information and exhibit an almost superhuman level of determination. Be well informed. Know which paths should be avoided at all costs and don’t fall into common traps. If you think before acting you can be further along the road to recovery than you think. The important thing is to keep going and not lose hope.
Your Ex’s Feelings For You Don’t Magically Disappear Overnight
Have you ever said something that you don’t mean? Think back to all the fights that you had with your ex. Did you ever say anything out of anger? Then you realize that there’s a difference between what people say and what they may actually feel. After a breakup, your ex is trying to deal with a lot of conflicting emotions.
They don’t want the relationship for whatever reason, but their attachments to you don’t magically disappear. Even if they’ve stated that their feelings for you are gone, they’re most likely still there. They’re just being buried beneath the surface in order to justify your ex’s choices. They believe that ignoring these feelings will lead to their eventual disappearance. Instead of just letting that time pass, take action. Don’t just sit on the sidelines and watch your chance fly out the window because you were unwilling to make a move. You can bring those feelings to light again and you can do it without even letting on that you’re doing it.
Try A Period Of No Contact With Your Ex
Time is a very valuable asset once a breakup has occurred. Most people make the mistake of trying to endlessly contact their ex and basically annoy them into moving on. How do you expect to make your ex miss you if you are in contact with them all the time? You need to weigh your options correctly and figure out the correct time to try and establish contact. Timing is vital, but knowing what to say is equally important as well.
A period of limited to no contact is extremely common after a breakup. This goes hand in hand with your ex’s attempt to shove their existing feelings into a corner so they don’t have to go through the pain of dealing with them. By refusing to respond to any messages or make any contact, your ex is effectively proving that they do still care for you and they’re unsure of how to deal with the internal conflict that is happening inside of them.
Think of a breakup as a balancing act. If you act suddenly and try to move in either direction, you may lose your balance and fall. If you make your move too quickly you can have the opposite affect that you’re after and scare them off for good. If you wait too long, it may be a moot point. There is no magic relationship fairy that is going to fix your breakup all by itself.
Actions That You Should Take Immediately
Imagining getting your relationship back to exactly the state it was in immediately preceding the breakup is not doing you any favors. It didn’t end for nothing. There had to be underlying circumstances or issues that triggered your ex to decide to end things. Those problems still exist, and they have to be resolved before any reconciliation is possible.
Your ex doesn’t want a cookie-cutter version of the person you think they want. You can’t pretend to be a completely different person indefinitely – sooner or later things will start to unravel and you’ll find yourself in a similar situation. Instead of trying to make yourself into the perfect person that your ex wants, take the time to go back to the beginning.
When you first started dating, you felt like you were on the top of the world and nothing could ever change. Try examining when things started to go downhill and what could have caused that change. Your ex fell for you for a reason. Be the person that they fell for once and they’re more likely to do the same thing again.
There is one thing about yourself that you can take an active role in improving at this exact moment. The breakup probably destroyed a lot of your self-esteem and the ground you felt confident was solid proved to be anything but. You need to boost yourself back up and work on reestablishing your sense of self. A confident person is someone that naturally draws people to them, and your ex will be no different.
If I’m Friends With My Ex, Will It Speed Up The Reconciliation Process?
You should never agree to a tentative “friendship” with an ex if you want to have any chance of getting back together with them romantically. If you try to be friends with an ex, you’re actually taking part in a system that is ruining your chances systematically. The entire way your ex views you will change throughout the process and they’ll never be able to see you as dating material again. To make your ex want you, you will have to be slightly out of reach and unattainable. This is why being friends with your ex is not a great idea if you want them back.
If your ex has asked to stay friends, you should take it as a good sign. It means that they can’t stand the idea of not having you as a part of their lives even though they aren’t willing to continue your romantic relationship.
Accepting a friendship is insuring that you stay in a vulnerable state, just like you were immediately following the breakup. The breakup may have not been your idea or something that you wanted, but you are not completely powerless. Making a clean break not only maintains the respect your ex still has for you but also increases your chances of getting them back.
Is it Hopeless if They’re Already Dating?
You think you’re making progress towards reconciliation when the news takes your breath away. Your ex is seeing someone new. Even though you may be tempted to give up and go sulk in a corner, the reality isn’t as bad as it seems.
There’s a very good reason that relationships that happen during a “rebound” period have their own name. They simply don’t work out. They may be fiery and intense, but they burn themselves out before they really have a chance to start. Rebound relationships rarely end cleanly and they don’t typically last very long. Dating immediately following a breakup means only one thing – your ex is trying to get over their feelings that they still have for you by distracting themselves with someone else.
This may feel like a continual punch in the gut, but it’s a good thing! Now is the time to realize that you may have more of an upper hand than you dreamed possible. You can act now and undermine that new relationship subtly and rekindle the fire that your ex once felt for you all over again. Your ex has left the door to their emotions unlocked, and you can easily squeeze yourself back in. Make yourself available with a warm blanket and a shoulder to cry on when things start to fall apart.
Can I Get My Ex Back If I Cheated On Them?
It is possible to get back together when an ex – even if you’re cheated on them. In fact, you may have more of a chance than someone who didn’t. The reason is simple when you take the time to consider it – cheating is like a guillotine. It severs the relationship suddenly and is often a knee-jerk reaction to betrayal. They didn’t take the time to examine the relationship as a whole or reevaluate their feelings. They ended it because that’s what they thought was necessary.
Their feelings for you are just as viable as they always were. After some time apart, your ex will start missing your presence and they’ll start second-guessing their impulse to leave. They’ll start justifying your mistake in their minds and minimizing their impact. That means that you have the perfect opportunity to win back their hearts.
You need to convince your ex to forgive your mistake. It may seem like insurmountable odds, but it is possible to leave the past in the past and agree to mutually look towards the future instead.
It Seems Impossible – Should I Just Give Up?
No situation is completely beyond repair regardless of how dire it may seem at the time. You’re seeing the situation from your position in it, and you’re hardly able to approach it objectively. Things are not always what they seem. The only thing that can ruin your chances is your decision to not make the effort. If you are really unsure of how your ex feels about you then you need to be able to look out for some signs your ex is over you. This will help you know where you stand before you put loads of effort in.
Everything seems to be spiraling out of control and the more you try to regain your balance the more upside-down things seem. Your ex removed your control of the situation by breaking up with you – but you can get it back. You need to reestablish a position of assertiveness that takes the power back and forces the dynamic between you and your ex to be reexamined.
The stronger you can appear to your ex the more appealing you will suddenly become. Staying calm and keeping your cool may be extremely difficult, but the payoff is worth it. You want your words and actions to mean something and that will only become possible if you stand up for yourself and prove your own assertiveness. To get your boyfriend back or get your girlfriend back, you need to be patient. Everything won’t fall into place right away, but with some effective techniques you will see huge changes in how your ex treats you.
Your Next Step – The Magic Of Making Up System
The The Magic Of Making Up is composed of an easy step by step method that will help you get your ex back. You will need to be able to understand the 7 deadly mistakes because if you commit even one of these, it will only push away your ex from you and murder your chances. There are also three things that you will need to do for you to be able to pull your ex like a magnet towards you.
You will learn how to make your ex miss you and not be able to stop thinking about you. It uses a lot of psychological techniques that are incredibly effective in getting your ex to change their minds about you, even if your situation is really messy and you have made all of the classic mistakes.
Find out more about the system and what it consists of here: Magic Of Making Up