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How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Want You Back

How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Want You Back

Make Him Desire You Again With Proven Techniques

The problem is that most women focus on the wrong things when they are trying to get their ex boyfriends back – what they want. This is probably the worst thing that you can do because it fails to take into account what he wants or male psychology.  This is why a lot of women find themselves banging their heads up against a brick wall after they have been dumped. When you concentrate on what you think will make him want you again, you will be going in the wrong direction. This is because men and women think very differently in terms of relationships and attraction. 

Instead, you will start seeing much more positive results when you begin to look at things from his perspective. Once you tap into male psychology you will immediately see what you have been doing wrong up until now and subsequently plan your actions to be more effective in the future.

We are going to discuss what kind of things that you should definitely not be doing if you want him to desire you again and then we will take a look at some proven techniques that will make him start to see you in a positive light again and ignite his passion for you. So let’s get started. 

How Your Boyfriend Sees You After The Break Up

It is not easy to hear that your ex boyfriend probably does not want to see or talk to you after the break up. You must accept this though, especially if he is the one that broke up with you. The last thing that he will want is to have you contacting him and asking what went wrong or trying to get him to change his mind. I’m afraid that it just doesn’t work like this.  When you are constantly trying to bump into him, making excuses to contact him or deliberately stalking him, you are doing yourself no favours at all and it is only pushing him further and further away from you. Think about it for a minute. Just try to look at things through his eyes. This is what most women fail to do as all of their energy is focused on getting back together. They fail to see the bigger picture and the impact that their actions could have on their chances of making him want you back.

Acting Emotional Is A Big No No 

You have every right to be miserable and an emotional wreck after you have been dumped, it wouldn’t be natural if you weren’t. That is why you have to take some personal time to grieve for the end of your relationship before you act rashly or do things that you will later regret.

The last thing that you want to do is allow him to see you cry or look depressed in front of him. The truth is that he will only see you as pathetic and unattractive. This is the opposite of what you are trying to achieve. Of course it will mean that you have to do some oscar-winning acting performances, but it is for your own good. Don’t lay it on too thickly though as it will become obvious to him that you are trying to prove a point to him.

Take A Step Back 

Always try to take a step back and ask yourself if what you are doing is coming across as desperate or needy. This is a good model to go by but it does require some restraint on your part. You will have to fight back your urges to contact him or bring up the break up. Try to get your emotions under control when you are around him and have some self respect, when he sees that you are taking the break up well he will have much more admiration for you. You must avoid behaviour that makes you look unstable, bitter or spiteful. This means that you should not interrogate him about the break up, just accept it and walk away calmly. The same goes for what you say to your ex boyfriend post break up. If you start to act angrily towards him and lash out this will make him see you in a very negative light. Remember that he will be sensitive too after your break up and everything that you say could be used against you at a later date.

Realise Your Own Self Worth First

When you try to sell yourself back to your ex boyfriend it will not only ruin your own self esteem, but it will make him devalue you as a person. Men work very differently to women as they like to be the ones that chase and not the other way round. When you are chasing after him and begging him for another chance, you are emasculating him and making yourself look cheap in his eyes. If you are forcing something on him that he doesn’t want it will only backfire on you in the future. Until he desires you again there is nothing that you can do or say that will have any impact on him right now. So concentrate your efforts in making him attracted to you again instead. This will be much more effective.

This may sound overly harsh, but it is the way he will see you if you don’t learn to value yourself. You know that you are worth more than this. It can’t be healthy trying to convince someone that they should be with you, the other person has to want it too. This is what you want to accomplish – making him want you all by himself and with no obvious intervention on your part.

Men Do Not Want To Be Forced Or Guilt-Tripped Into Getting Back Together

Men like to make their own decisions. Remember that. When you force him into something he will only clam up and become distant. The last thing that you want to do is force him into getting back together with you out of guilt. This will spell disaster for your future together, make him feel suffocated and resent you. Ultimately he will leave you again because he is not happy. 

You have to have a different approach that actually works and makes him feel that he was not forced or cajoled into it. This is crucial if you want him to want you again because it all has to come from him. You can help him along this path in a subtle way though, and this is what we are going to discuss next – how to make him want you back

How To Make Him Want You Again

To make your ex boyfriend want you again, you have to be the girl that he first fell in love with. Think about that for a moment. Technically you still are the same girl, but something changed along the way to make him forget this or start to see you differently. Try to pinpoint what that is and set it right. It may seem like a simple solution to getting him back again – be like the girl he fell in love with. You have to understand though that this is going to be difficult to do because of your current emotional state.

When you get dumped it is completely normal for your mind to go into overdrive with paranoia about the real reasons he broke up with you. Your head might be spinning with all of the things that he said in the last days and weeks, trying to decipher his actions for clues. You will not be thinking straight at this time and as a consequence, everything that you say or do will be marked by emotion that you will later regret. When you are focused on your past relationship and wasting all of your energy on trying to get him back, you are forgetting one crucial thing – he doesn’t want you. Not at this specific time anyway, and you have to accept that no matter how cruel it seems.

Instead you should be spending your time constructively. This will involve trying to clear your mind of negative thoughts and beginning to see things rationally again. When you are able to control your emotions you will be able to see things differently and start to formulate a plan to win back his affections and make him regret breaking up with you. Getting the timing right with this is crucial. You have to give yourself time to heal and accept your current situation. When you act rashly and preemptively, you will go back to square one. So how do you know that you are ready to get him back? Well, your head should be a lot clearer, you should look at things more positively and not be in floods of tears. Of course you will still be feeling vulnerable, but you will notice a renewed sense of purpose and a determination to make him see you as attractive again. That is when you know the time is right.

Recreating The Magic – Make Him Fall For You Again

When you first started dating there was likely a lot of magic and passion between you. This is a fantastic time and something that is fondly remembered by all couples.  Sometimes this magic fades away in a relationship, especially if you have both been together for a long time. This is the reason for a lot of break ups, one or other partner miss the initial spark that you had in the beginning and think that there is something missing when it is not there anymore. 

There is some good news in this though. Once you understand how to get this spark back you can make him fall in love with you all over again. If you can recreate the scenario of when you first met, you will be able to bring back everything that he felt was missing when he broke up with you. Get his attention back and he will be more willing to give it another try.

So How Do You Do This?

The best strategy that women use to get the passion and attraction back is distance. That may sound extremely counter-intuitive to you right now, after all, having nothing to do with him might make him forget you even exist right? Nothing could be further from the truth actually. If you have ever heard of the saying ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’, you will realise the effectiveness of distancing yourself from your ex boyfriend. This is what you have to do initially if you want to stand any chance of him wanting you again. You can then use this no contact phase to plan how to make him fall in love with you again. It is the optimum time to focus on improving your situation and concentrate upon yourself. Follow these simple steps below to make your ex boyfriend start seeing you in a different way. When you regain his respect and admiration this will in turn reignite his attraction for you.  These four things will make him reconsider his decision to break up with you if you master them correctly. The more effort you put into these areas, the better your chances are, so let’s get going.

Step 1 – Confidence Is Key

If you asked most guys what they find most attractive about a woman, 9 times out of 10, confidence will always come up. Men like women who have a strong sense of their own self worth and know their own minds. This is a highly attractive quality to have and one that naturally draws men in because it intrigues them.  Compare this to nervous women who are constantly asking for reassurance and are easily manipulated. Men do not respect these kinds of women and oftentimes they end up attracting men that are poisonous for them as they can see this weakness and want to exploit it.

If you are unsure of yourself it will also make him unsure of you and turn him off. Of course there is a fine line between being confident and arrogant. Remember that arrogance is hugely unattractive and can make a guy unwilling to approach you. So do not look down your nose at him and put on airs and graces, he will run a mile in the opposite direction. If you manage to pull off these air of confidence he will immediately think that you are not needy and that he has lost something valuable.

Confident is probably the last thing that you feel right now, especially if he broke up with you. In fact it may be at rock bottom. You must dust yourself down though and not be inhibited by the nagging feeling in the back of your head that you are not good enough. Never allow yourself to lose your self belief a this will have knock on affects in other areas. Getting dumped is a big part of life and it can actually make you come to realise what you have been doing wrong, correct it, and subsequently make your new relationship so much better than the last.

Step 2 – Be Independent

This is another key attribute that men find highly attractive in a woman. You may think that you are quite an independent person, but look a little deeper. How does your behaviour look to your ex boyfriend? When it comes to relationships women can automatically take a very subservient role and vy for attention.  Whilst this may be deemed ‘cute’ by some men, how does it make them view you long term? No man will see a future with a woman who is needy and high maintenance, they just won’t put up with it for a prolonged period of time. You will also lose your own self respect if you behave like this. Unfortunately most women do not even realise that they are doing anything wrong here and this is when break ups begin.

Reassess whether you were giving him his own space and whether you could function normally without him. If you were constantly asking him to do things with you or give up his personal time to please you, truth is you are not that independent after all. When you are independent you are the opposite of needy. You will be able to function by yourself and still have a good time. Such women do not rely on men to make them feel happy or fulfill their every need. This is what men look for in a girl.

After the break up you must be independent, or at least appear that you are. Your ex boyfriend will be monitoring how you are handling the break up and if he sees that you are out there getting on with your life he will be much more attracted to you. If, on the other hand, you are obviously lost without him, pining in a depressive state, he will feel sorry for you and try to avoid you as it would be awkward. This is not the position that you want to be in. When you become your own person and show him that you are just fine without him, he will immediately think twice about the break up. He will be much more likely to contact you and start chasing you from this point on.

Step 3 – Let Him See You Having Fun

Your ex boyfriend will be expecting you to stay in and bemoan the loss of him. The last thing that he will be expecting you to do is to go out and have fun with your friends and get on with your life. So this is what you should do!

Do not give him the satisfaction of knowing that you are still pining for him. This only gives him the upper hand and boots his ego. When he thinks that he can get you back any time he wants he will not be forced into any action. 

Instead, when he sees that there may be a possibility that you are moving on without him, it will kick him into chasing after you to get you back. This is his greatest fear – you moving on before him. This also puts you in a great position because it encourages him to make an effort by himself without you cajoling him into it. Your ex boyfriend doesn’t want to entertain the thought of you starting to date again, at least not for a long time after the break up. What he would prefer is that he can get you back if he decides to change his mind. He wants you to be waiting for him in the sidelines. This is selfish, undoubtedly, but he is only thinking of himself right now. 

By doing the exact opposite of what he expects you to do you will be stoking his desire for you as you will appear mysterious and attractive. Therefore you should fill your post break up days with fun things.

Surround yourself with friends and family and get out there and do the things that you are passionate about. When your ex  boyfriend sees this change in you he will remember the old you, the girl he fell in love with. When he sees that you can be happy without him it will stir feelings of jealousy in him. This is because he liked to imagine that he was the main reason for your happiness during your relationship. It hurts him to realise that this isn’t actually the case and that you are responsible for your own happiness. This might sound strange to you, but this is how he will be feeling, even when he was the one who broke up with you.

Step 4 – Be Happy (It Unnerves Him)

Probably the best way to make your ex boyfriend want you back is to exude happiness. The happier that you appear to be, the more interested your ex boyfriend will be to know what is causing it. As you may already know, happiness is an incredibly attractive trait and people are drawn to those who make them feel good about themselves. The same goes for your ex boyfriend. He will want to be surrounded by a girl who makes him happy and creates a fun environment. When you are miserable it will have the opposite affect, he will run in the other direction.  Think about this for a second. It is all down to human behaviour and what men think that they want in a potential mate.

You may have heard of the old saying, ‘the grass is always greener on the other side.’ This is what your ex boyfriend will be thinking when he sees that you are happy. He will want some of what you have and wonder exactly what it is that has brought about this change in you. As humans, we all want what we cannot have, it is a psychological trait. When he suddenly realises that he cannot have you like he thought, his desire for you will increase and he will be compelled to win back your attention. We all value that which is rare, so when you make yourself unavailable and act as if you are happy without him, in turn he will value you more. We are strange creatures.  It is important to realise that your ex boyfriend is probably lonely like you after the break up. There is a huge void in his life that he may not have expected and things may not be as rosy as he anticipated. This is your perfect opportunity to make yourself and your life attractive to him. Make him see what he is missing by reminding him of how special you are. He will then follow suit.

Next Step – Make Him Regret the Breakup and Want You Again

matthustongethimbackforeverThe only way that you are going to get your ex boyfriend to regret the breakup and want you again, is to start getting inside his head and seeing things from his perspective. Self awareness is a huge tool that you have in your arsenal, you just have to know how to use it to your advantage. The things you say and do after a breakup are crucial to how your ex boyfriend sees you. Learn how to turn the tables around and make your ex see you in an attractive, desirable way again with the Get Him Back Forever System

This system is specifically designed for women who are trying to get back their ex boyfriends. Matt Huston is a well respected and popular relationship expert and psychologist. He is well versed in relationship problems and why people act the way that they do after a break up. He will talk you through everything from a male perspective, giving you insights into why men break up with women, why they say certain things and what they actually mean by this, what they feel about you after the break up and what will make them crazy about you again.

Huston delivers powerful techniques that you can start implementing on your ex boyfriend today to get a positive reaction from him. You can also start to see a change in the way he views you and his contact will increase once you begin putting these strategies into practice. You can take a quiz to ascertain what your chances are of getting back your ex boyfriend, it is tailored to your unique situation and will tell you where to go from here. Take the quiz here. 

Need More Help?

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17 Responses to “How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Want You Back”

  • Luna says:


    So my ex and I are housemates and he broke up with me 2 weeks ago. Since then i am sleeping on friends’ couches because he didn’t tell his new date he has housemate. I even heard them have sex when i dropped by to pick up some clothes… I simply left. All this caused panic attacks. I left him a nice gift and I will try to stay away while I am looking for a new place. I do want him back but he says it is going pretty well with the new girl so I am not sure I have a chance. I guess I just need to hear that somebody else is in the same situation and if I can get a tip how to deal with it for few weeks I will have to be there (unless he kicks me out)? I am running out of options where to sleep over and hotel for a month is expensive… I have an idea how to behave, I guess I just need to hear little bit of support and strength because I am alone in all of this (like the rest of everybody).

    Thank you.

  • Samantha says:

    I Couldnt afford to lose him.i know he is the one who is meant for me:( a man who loves me alot,a man who never forget to call me everyday.and many qualities from him that i could never ask for more..but sad to say ill lost him..because of one reason.he want me to have a decent job:( ..i know he finds out already that i still go out with guys for money..he said i finally prove it and its not a doubt.i am very sure:(actually he is right..i really love him so much so i was thinking i need to find a decent job which i can be proud of:( not only to prove to him but it also for my self:(
    If a guy who really love i know its very difficult dor him to accept the fact that even have alot of money when i dont even have a job:(
    Please help me.i want him to comebck with me maybe not now because the pain is still fresh but at the right time.
    At this moment i am starting to find a decent job

  • EmNiZ says:

    Thanks for the advise..I had the most worst experience when I broke up with my boyfriend.after reading this it has really given me a lot of encouragement and the best advice on how to deal with my emotions..thank you so much.

    • Charlotte Jane says:

      I’m so glad that it has helped you! Thanks for leaving me a comment, it means a lot. Good luck.

  • Sam says:

    My ex-lover ended our 2-years relationship and he said that it was not a relationship and we only used to have nice time together. He also said he wants to withdraw from this drama. I was so angry and tried to convince him that we were in a relationship and we love each other but he decided to leave and he said in his last message that it will be the last communication between us. The following morning, I sent him a long text message and told him that our relationship was not a casual one and I am sorry that he considered it as drama. I promised him not to contact him and I asked him not to contact me again then I wished him happiness. My question now: it has been one month and a half since his last message. Shall I contact him or not. Will he just magically come back to me after I told him not to contact me? Please help.

  • Phumi says:


    My name is phumi.My Boyfriend broke up with me two months ago.He called me out of the blue and said its over and whats nothing to do with me and changed his numbers. I am deeply hurt and what makes it worse is that days before the break up we were fine and happy. He only started acting distant two days before.and be I tried therapy,talking to friends and family but i still feel torn. I made the mistake of contacting his mom to ask if hes ohk. Even though she was very polite what breaks my heart is that he didnt call back.

    After fours of dating Im still longing for him.I still love him and want him back. Please help!


    • Charlotte Jane says:

      I’m so sorry to hear this. He has treated you really badly and you don’t deserve this! His behaviour is really peculiar and immature. Unfortunately there is not much that you can do if he refuses to talk to you and has decided to cut you out of his life. The more you try to contact him or reinsert yourself in his life, the more he will pull away and see you negatively. The best thing that you can do right now is to act like he doesn’t exist. Don’t contact him or his mother or act like you care. If he doesn’t get back in touch with you in the next couple of months then you will know that it is over for good.

      To be honest, I think that you deserve so much better and that you shouldn’t have to settle with this kind of behaviour. Try to keep yourself as busy as you can. Do you ever have to see your ex boyfriend? Get out and enjoy your life and he will see that you are an interesting an fun person with better things to do than pine for him. I know it sounds like a cliche, but every day will get better and you will eventually see that you can do better.

      If he does get back in touch with you do not pander to him at all. He has to respect you if he is to want you back, if he knows that you will take him back and run after him then he will continue to treat you badly because he knows that there are no consequences for his actions. I hope it works out for you Phumi.

  • mercy says:

    I like your advice

    • realtionshipguru says:

      It sounds like he met someone else. Thats why is was so drastic. He knew you might freak out,so that might be why is change his number. Learn and evolve from this experience and read the book”The Rules,” so you dont repeat the same dating patterns.

  • Muna says:

    I’m lost i was hoping what can I do to bering my boyfriend back is been 4 months

    • realtionshipguru says:

      Let him go.Anything that you chase runs away.Dont beat yourself and forgive yourself aswell. Live your life to the fullest and good things will come.

  • carol says:

    Hi how do I do no contact when I work with my ex boyfriend.

  • cheryl says:

    Does he still care? will he regret his actions? my ex bf ended our relationship and acts like he dont care… im heartbroken?Some advice and my ex bf were together 4 5years we are best friends. We rarely argued. Always had holidays. Lived together 4 2years.then this year I had difficulties in sustaining a job since I left my last 1.we were saving for a mortgage but my money and savings went on bills and the past 6 months have been stressful we lost 2 members of the family.. I’m struggling to get a suitable job and I was also diagnosed with confidence dropped so did our intimate relationship but we both still loved and things were still fine just a rough patch… Then he decides he wants 3 days space.. I gave him that..after 3 days he decided to end our 5 year relationship a week before Christmas and then tells me his feelings changed towards me months ago… I am absolutely heartbroken.. We had something so special and hes thrown it away as if it ment nothing… I still payed my bills I never depended on him..I did my up most to get a job.. I even went on a 7 week course… I made hampers to gain money.. Our rent was cheap coz it was his dads flat…he earnt 2 people’s salary’s but I still paid my way… I’m now bk at my mum and dads I’ve been clearing my stuff out the flat I can’t stop getting upset… He’s 24 I’m 27..I feel he’s embarrassed of me and has judge our relationship on the last 6months.we hardly talk..he’s already been messaging girls and I found condoms in his draw.. Y is he trying to hurt me so bad..I did everything for him..

    He chatted to girls after via Fb after we split not during our relationship.. Like he’s happy to be single… Do u think in time he will regret all this? As his parents are moving to Spain soon and his bro will be moving up with his gf..he don’t have huge group of mates… He’s acting like he’s missed out on a big part of his life…only time we talk is about the flat he don’t contact me otherwise and he’s really friendly when he talks about the flat… I’m just gutted and sad how he’s just thrown 5 years down the drain… I can change and things could of got better but he didn’t give me a chance

  • Jayne says:

    Been divorced for 6 months recently been going out together but now he’s pulled back think he’s dating someone else how do I get him back I love him so much my heart has broken

  • Julia says:

    Hi. My boyfriend and I have been dating for the last 3 years.
    2 of those years were long distance where we would see each other ones every two weeks. Then he found a job in my city and moved to where I was. I was thrilled about this and thought the the relationship was going somewhere. Over this past year I was always afraid that he would find someone else in this city of endless possibilities. He always loved me so much and cared about me (or claimed to).
    Over the last several months he started to pull away, going places without me, hanging out with his male single friend til 3:00am and completely neglecting our relationship. The more he pulled away, the more I clung to him and demanded why he wasn’t as loving or begging for some quality time. Finally, just last week he broke up with me saying he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me anymore because I became overbearing and didn’t give him enough space . He always said he wanted to be in a serious relationship and not in meaningless flings but his recent behavior proved the opposite. I am so devastated and felt such a connection with him because we both share similar cultural background and we did have an amazing caring relationship at one point. I just feel like my controlling and needy behavior resulted in his neglect and it snowballed into a break up. Our break up lasted for 3 days and he said he wanted to end things “gently” but we were still sleeping together and were super affectionate. Then he acted super mean and distant for two days and I texted him and asked him if I could see him one last time for closure . He agreed. When I got there he seduced me and we slept again and expressed that he misses me and still loves me which confused me and made me think we would reconcile. The next morning he texted me saying it’s best if we don’t talk to each other anymore and for me not to contact him again . It really hurt me hearing that from him again after the way he acted the night before. I felt like he was playing with my emotions but wanted to give the benefit of a doubt that he still loves me but is bitter and resentful towards me about my behavior.
    My question is: is there any chance for us to reconcile at some point in the future?
    Also, how long should the No Contact period be in this case, and am I able to contact him first in a month or two after I work on myself and get my life together? How do I know if I should totally give up? I really can’t imagine myself with anyone else. I still love him Soooo much!
    Thank you.

  • Mad says:

    Me and my boyfriend are 18. We have dated for over a year and when we met when we’re 17.
    We always imagined ourselves being together forever as we thought we were meant to be and perfect for each other. Even though we are so young we believed it was fate and so did everyone else including our family and friends.

    A month ago he decided to end things. HIs reason was that he wasn’t as happy in the relationship lately. For two weeks he was being different and he wouldn’t tell me why, he just said he was stressed with uni.
    After the breakup I didn’t contact him and two weeks later he messaged me asking if he saw me out and saying he wishes he couldve seen me as he misses me more than I could ever know and hasn’t bern coping.

    A week after this I contacted him asking for a second chance and he said he doesn’t want that as he believes that he will feel the same way again.

    Do you think he has said no because it is so soon and he still feels breaking up was the right thing to do? Do I have another chance of getting him back?

  • shab says:

    hi. me and my boyfriend were in relationship for good 3yrs initially I was the one who use to ignore him and not to accept the fact that we r dating each other in front of lateron he forced me to come in relationship be he’s girlfriend and stay with him forever.he was perfect for me. He loved me like he always wanted a girl like me ever.he was the one who use to initiate love care and blah blah..He stays in newyork and I am currently staying in india. I thought we were living like a happy couple no matter we fight like animals but I thought we r happy and lateron we gave one chance to each other and went for holidays together and we thoroughly enjoyed we spend like crazy couple. After coming back from holidays we again had a fight and didn’t spoke to each other for 2 months properly.and i was trying to move on happily but when he came to India to see me I thought he came for me just to see how I am but that wasn’t a truth. some how we end up meeting each other and had good quality time.before it was awkward I was behaving like friend to him so he did but we end up showing our love to each other.
    We two behaved like couple again and even he acreated that he loves me and wanna start things again from beginning. He said he loves me,he go crazy when he see me,he says how beautiful I am. I was happy and so he behaved
    but when he went back he said he’s confused and we fought again for almost 2 days and finally he said he don’t lover me any more he wants me to move on and stay happy which I couldn’t accept this confusion thing like when he was in India he said he wants to start things again and when he went back he’s confused.
    I cried like hell,tried to convince him begged for love but than later on I decided to accept are breakup ,apologies for what happen and said bye forever.. bcoz I wanted to apply this no contact’s been 30 days and m doing the same what’s mention above like show him how happy and attractive you are blah blah.. but still there is no response….
    kindly help me out with my problem.. I really want him back..thankyou

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