No Contact Rule
Contact With Your Ex Boyfriend After Break Up
When we first break up this is a very common question that most girls ask: “When should I contact my ex boyfriend?” There is so much advice out there on when to do it and a lot of them get it wrong because they either tell you to leave it too late or do it too soon. Either of these scenarios will do you no favours if you want to get your ex boyfriend back again. There is a fine line that you have to walk if you want to do things properly and doing things on a whim is not a good idea. The contact that you have with your ex boyfriend, what you say to him and how you say it, are hugely important in getting him back.
Being Emotional In Your Contact With Him Is A Bad Idea
Think about it. The hours, days and weeks following your break up will be highly emotional and you will both be very sensitive to what the other person says and does. That is why you have to think about things very carefully in the initial stages as rushing in on a gut feeling could wreck your chances.
If you act in a way that is overly emotional or hysterical it will make your ex boyfriend have a negative view of you. This will stay in his mind long after the break up and he will want to avoid you at all costs. If he thinks that you are emotionally unstable he will be much less likely to want to contact you himself and all communication that you have with him will be fraught with tension and awkwardness.
You have to be careful here because you want to encourage him to contact you and not the other way round. This is the most positive scenario. So if you want him to contact you there are things that you have to make sure you do not do. One of those things is to be angry or emotional with him. Bringing up the break up after it has happened is a no no. He will not want to hear about it over and over again and he will think that you do not accept it. Little things like this will make him unwilling to talk to you and drive you further apart.
The Best Contact Is No Contact – Detach Yourself From Him
The truth is that the longer you try to hang onto the relationship, the worse it is for you. When you try to bump into him, text or call him after the break up, you are only shooting yourself in the foot and making him think that you are desperate and cannot let go. This is a highly unattractive trait to him and will not make him want you back but instead be glad that he broke up with you in the first place.
No contact may seem counter-intuitive to you right now when you are desperate to talk to him. After all, you might be thinking how on earth can you encourage him to come back to you if you don’t even talk to him? The fact is that what you say to him is not nearly as important as how much contact you have with him. In the initial stages of your break up anyway.
Communication between you and your ex boyfriend should deteriorate very fast after the break up. Although this might be hard for you to cope with, it is what you ultimately want as it will put you in the best position for winning back his desire and love for you.
When you try to hang on by your fingernails to your relationship you are only setting yourself up for a fall. It is natural for contact to stop when you split up with someone, you cannot expect to carry on as normal straight after, it just wouldn’t make sense. You both need time to readjust to this new dynamic between you. Keeping in close contact would not only be extremely awkward, but confusing and hurtful.
Let Go Of Your Relationship In Order To Pull Him Back
The first step to getting him back is letting him go for a short time. Once you have accepted your break up and allowed him to be free you will also be setting yourself free and opening up the path to reconciliation. If you do not do this then it will be glaringly obvious to your ex boyfriend that you want to get back together with him. It may only be innocent texts, but the intent is always evident and this will always be met by strong resistance from him.
Any attempt that you make to communicate with him will only end in failure and your disappointment. You have to accept that it is over for now and leave him to it. This is your strongest position for now, so try to be strict with yourself when you want to reach out to him.
You must recognise that your previous relationship is now over and that any attempts to maintain contact looks as though you are fighting for something that is already broken. This will not look good to your ex boyfriend and he will only see you in negative terms or someone who is obsessed with him. This means that he will not want to contact you himself or have anything to do with you as this kind of behaviour makes him feel uncomfortable.
If you do not want him to avoid you it is therefore essential that you seem well-adjusted and accept the break up, at least on the surface anyway. You have to make it seem like you have moved on and are mature about the whole thing. This becomes very difficult to do when your ex boyfriend has lost interest in you and isn’t paying any attention to what you are doing. There are ways to let him subconsciously know that you have moved on without explicitly saying so and this guide is excellent for showing you how that is done.
You want your ex boyfriend to notice that you are no longer interested in him even when this is not the case. You have to do what he least expects to gain any kind of reaction from him. He will be expecting you to pine after him, especially if he is the one who dumped you. When you do the opposite of this it will put him on shaky ground and make him reassess his current position.
When you refuse to put up any kind of resistance he will be confused and he will start to wonder about you. This is a key psychological technique that girls have used in the past to get their ex boyfriends back because it works. Not only is withdrawal a highly effective trick to use against him, it will make him become more attracted to you and take a sudden interest in what you are up to.
The Fisherman Analogy
Think of the analogy of a fisherman. He casts his line out into the water and away from him for a time. He waits patiently, he can’t see the hook or bait underneath the water from where he is standing, but he knows that it is there. The hook is knowledge of specific get your ex back techniques, you are the bait and your ex boyfriend is the fish.
You can’t see what the fish (your boyfriend) is up to right now, he might be off further up the river having fun. There comes a time however, when you have been patiently waiting, when the fish gets hungry. The fish will instinctively know where to go to find food (you). It will then latch onto the bait and the fisherman will reel it back in – it has been hooked.
Similarly, you will be able to pull your ex boyfriend closer to you when he begins to miss you and he is hungry with desire for you again. He will start to be hooked by you once more. Nature works in very strange ways. Try to remember the analogy of the fisherman when you are beginning to get impatient and are depressed about the whole situation. Good things come to those who wait.
The No Contact Rule – Why It Works In Winning Your Ex Boyfriend Back
When you break all forms of contact with your ex boyfriend it is the fasted and most powerful way of making him take an instant interest in you again. The sad thing is that most women find this almost impossible to do because every urge inside them is wanting to contact him.
When attempts to get back your ex boyfriend fail it is primarily because you did not completely adhere to the no contact phase. When you break this rule it will only make your ex boyfriend think things like this:
You have to understand something about male psychology here. When you are evidently needy and desperate your boyfriend will quickly lose whatever respect for you he had left. Think about this for a minute. Why was he attracted to you in the first place? You were probably a different person back then in terms of self confidence and keeping a mysterious air about you. This is what draws guys in. They like independent women who are not emotional wrecks and have a strong sense of who they are.
When you are constantly pestering him it will only serve to make him see you as pathetic. If you do not respect yourself enough to stay away from him he will not respect you either. When he recognises that you will do anything to get him back it pushes him further away and he will begin to devalue you as a person. You have to show him your value and that you are not easy to win – that is the key. This is why the no contact rule is a powerful technique because it helps you to achieve this.
No Contact Will Make Your Ex Boyfriend Miss You
No one expects this to be an easy thing for you to do. Going from seeing your boyfriend every day and him being a huge part of your life, to not communicating with him at all, it will take a lot of effort on your part. You will notice a huge void in your life and you will begin to miss him incredibly. If you are feeling this way remember that he probably feels it too to some extent.
It is only natural for him to still have feelings for you as there are strong emotional bonds there that are hard to break and deny completely. Even if it seemed that he broke up with you suddenly, he expected you to still be around in some sort of way, perhaps as a friend. He will probably also have expected to gradually withdraw from you himself so that he would get more and more used to the idea of not having you around.
In all probability your ex boyfriend will have expected you to keep chasing after him or at the very least take an interest in his life. This only allows him power over you. He is the one with the advantage because he doesn’t have to let you go until he is completely ready to do so. It is a gradual process in his eyes because he knows that there is a big part of you that is still in love with him.
When he knows exactly where you are (in the wings waiting for him) he can take all the time in the world to decide what girl he wants to move on with next. If you stay in his life he will only be aware of exactly what you are doing and how you feel about him. When he knows that he can get you back anytime he wants to he will be in no rush to reconcile.
Remember though that this is only possible if you give him what he wants. You can completely reverse the whole power struggle between you by being proactive and withdrawing from him when he least expects. When you do this properly you will start to notice a huge change in the way he interacts with you and treats you. This is because your withdrawal has caused him to start missing you more than he anticipated. This is what you need initially to get him back again, because if he doesn’t miss you he will not be interested in a relationship.
When you create a huge void in his life he will crave you again and want to chase after you. By dropping off his radar you will be able to achieve this and make him miss you. Ultimately this will speed up the whole process of getting back together, and best of all it is him that is doing the chasing and not you!
What The No Contact Rule Involves
You have to be so strict with yourself here because the no contact rule means no contact of any form. You will only be successful if you stick to it religiously.
Okay, so this includes no texting, calling, talking or emailing him. Do not drive by his house or try to bump into him as you will only be forced to talk to him and this is something that you don’t want to happen. There can be no exceptions to this remember. The better you stick to this plan the more likely it is that your ex boyfriend will be the one that contacts you out of the blue.
If this does happen it is important that you try to resist his attempts at interaction. Don’t do it in a nasty way or say that you don’t want to talk to him of course, this will only make you look bitter and immature. It will also put him off contacting you again as he will think that you are not receptive to his efforts.
What you should do instead is to unplug your phone, turn off your mobile or do not answer his calls. It is far better to let his calls and texts go unanswered than replying to him because it piques his interest.
You see, when you are not where he expects you to be, on the other end of the phone waiting for him, it will cause his imagination to go into overdrive. He will start to think about where you could be and who you could be with. He will then fill in the blanks himself when he realises that you are too busy to answer his calls. This is extremely effective and best of all you haven’t done anything at all!
The same applies to your social networking accounts. Please do not go onto Facebook like you previously did or drop hints about how you are feeling in the hope that he will see it. You should deactivate your account for a while or try to stay off it completely as he will only be using it to check up on how you are. Don’t give him the satisfaction. When you disappear from your online presence it will mean that he will have to put in the effort himself to find out how you are by contacting you personally.
Another benefit of avoiding Facebook is that it will stop you from becoming paranoid. Instead of healing and working out an effective plan to get him back, you will only end up checking his statuses a few times a day and ultimately read into everything in too much depth. It is not healthy and will not allow you to focus on what you have to do to win him back.
He will be relying on you to still have an online presence after the break up so that he can keep an eye on you. When you disappear it will be extremely disconcerting for him. His mind will go into overdrive and he will start to see you as mysterious again. This is the secret of making him attracted to you so be mysterious!
When your ex boyfriend knows that you are still pursuing him and are interested in him one way or the other, he will be in a safe position. Once you do the opposite of this and stop giving him the attention that he craves, he will suddenly have to acknowledge the possibility that you are no longer interested in him. This will be a huge blow to his ego and he will want to do something about it before it is too late.
How Long Will The No Contact Period Last?
That is the burning question and something that we are going to discuss now. Although each break up scenario is different, there are some general recommendations when it comes to contact with your ex boyfriend. You will find lots of different advice on the internet about the best time to initiate contact, but in my experience the best period of time is around six weeks.
Six weeks of silence from you may seem like a huge amount of time from your perspective. It will go very slowly at the beginning, but you have to keep in mind what your end goal is – to win him back. You will only be able to achieve this if you resist contact with him.
It usually takes this amount of time to allow you to heal from being dumped. All that bitterness and anger that you feel for him now will soon dissipate and you will feel much more positive about the whole scenario. If you have said things to him that you are embarrassed about, it will be largely forgotten after the six week period too.
The best thing of all is that your ex boyfriend will begin to miss you a lot during this time. When he is pining for you he will be much more likely to get in contact with you too. The chances are that he will be in touch with you long before the six weeks is up if you do it properly. Even if he hasn’t called you can rest assured that he will be much more open to hearing from you because he hasn’t had any kind of communication with you for so long.
Another advantage for you is that he will not be as suspicious of your motives when you do get back in contact with him. Your conversations will be much less awkward when he knows that you haven’t been trying to convince him to get back together with you.
There are a few very powerful techniques that you can use to make your ex boyfriend contact you of his own accord. You need to learn what these are because it will enable you to react in a way that entices him when you do speak to him again. This guide explains what you should do.
Your Next Step – Text Your Ex Back
When your ex boyfriend does get back in touch with you, you will need to know how to respond in a way that retains his interest and stoke his desire for you again. If you don’t pull this off properly, he will start to pull away from you again and move on.
Luckily Michael Fiore has come up with a proven plan that will ignite his passion for you and tell you exactly what you need to say to make him want you back again.
The Text Your Ex Back System has featured on numerous high profile shows in the USA and he has helped thousands of couples to get back together by tapping into human psychology. You can instantly download the audio, video and manual system to put these techniques into practice when he contacts you. You can also use these text examples to initiate contact with him again after a certain period of time, which Fiore explains himself. Click Here to get access to your free video which will show you what texts to not send your ex and free advice on how to get him back!
Need More Help?
Scroll to the bottom of the page and leave a comment. I will do my best to get back to you with help and advice!