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Is It A Good Idea To Be Friends With Your Ex Girlfriend? – Not If You Want Her Back

Being Friends With An Ex Girlfriend – Is It Even Possible?

So, your breakup was tough and has taken its toll on both of you. You probably miss your ex girlfriend a lot and would do anything to get her back in your life, even if it isn’t in a romantic way. But is this really a good idea? Friendship at any cost may sound like a good compromise, but have you thought about the impact that it will have on you and what kind of a friendship that it would be? You need to examine your options and be honest about what you want here. Think of the potential pitfalls and advantages of friendship with your ex girlfriend to see if it actually is the right way to go.

is it a good idea to be friend with your ex girlfriend, being friends with your ex girlfriend, can you be friends with an ex girlfriendThe Importance Of Time And Space

It is important to give yourself time and space from your ex girlfriend after the breakup. This will ensure that you don’t rush head first into any stupid decisions that you could later regret. It is also important from an emotional perspective. The end of a relationship is a big deal. The things that you feel after breaking up with someone you love are akin to grief. Breakups are a grieving process and you just give yourself some time to heal properly so that you can make sense of things in your own head and know what you really want for your future.

Your ex girlfriend will also need a lot of time to heal from your breakup. There is a real danger of pushing too hard to get a friendship established too soon after the breakup. This is normal, but you run the risk of ruining any friendship that the both of you could have if neither of you are ready.

Emotions are high when you first split up. If you are rushing into a friendship with your ex girlfriend soon after your breakup, you could end up doing or saying things that you both regret. A friendship will subsequently be much harder to establish. All of the hurt, confusion and anger that you feel now has to die down first. You will not be completely rational after your breakup, neither will your ex girlfriend, so delving into a completely different kind of relationship with her could spell BIG TROUBLE. It could end up in another break up and this time neither of you will want anything more to do with each other.

Your Relationship Is Different Now

You can’t just expect to pick up where you left off either. Things are not going to be exactly the same between you now. It can’t be. You will both be wary of each other for a certain amount of time. You will not know what to say to each other and things could get awkward very quickly. You probably both have very different ideas about what a friendship between you should be like too. Maybe your ex girlfriend wants to hang out with you and call you just as much as she did when you were together. Maybe you want more definite separation between you. The lines can get blurry and murky if you are not both on the same page.

Gone are the days when you can ring or text your ex girlfriend all day or hangout whenever you want to. It just doesn’t work that way anymore. You are not her priority anymore and she shouldn’t be your first thought either. If you are to be just good friends, you can’t go back to the way it was when you were together. This will take some getting used to. It will involve a lot of patience and understanding on your part, as well as hers. If she rings you up in the middle of the night crying about something, will you always be there, listening, but still feel unable to comfort her physically or emotionally in case she gets the wrong impression? This is just one of the landmine of problems ahead of you if you agree to a friendship with your ex girlfriend.

Sadly, you will have to start from the beginning again with your ex girlfriend and re-establish trust. This process cannot be rushed. It takes time for you to become close again and open up to each other. Accepting this change as soon as possible will increase your chances of having a healthy relationship with your ex girlfriend and making her respect you again.

Being Friends With An Ex Girlfriend Is Not A Good Idea If You Want Her Back

You may think that friendship with your ex girlfriend is better than nothing. You miss her, you want to be in her company and it is obvious that you still have romantic feelings for her. At least if you are still in contact with her and close, you will stand a much better chance of regaining her trust and getting close to her again, right? WRONG. Being put in the friend zone automatically sets you at a huge disadvantage if you want to get your ex girlfriend back. The last thing that you want is for her to start seeing you as just a good friend, someone reliable, simple and solid. These are great qualities, but you don’t want her to see you only in this way.

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Before you know it, she will get you doing things that you don’t want to do. The ball will be in her court and you will just be waiting on the sidelines, waiting for your ex girlfriend to throw you a bone or decide what she wants to do with you. Don’t emasculate yourself to make her feel comfortable. Don’t put your own happiness at risk, just to please her either. In the long run you will be doing neither of you any good. You are not her lapdog, and deep down, you know that your value is much higher. If you don’t start acting that way, she will never see your worth either.

Compromising your own happiness to fit in with her agenda is never a good idea. You will end up in countless award situations with your ex girlfriend. Maybe you will end up spending a lot of time together and having a laugh like you once did. You could end up misreading the signals big time and going in for a kiss, only to be rebuffed in disgust. What will happen then? She will distrust you completely, assume that you were just agreeing to be friends to win her back and she will feel betrayed. Not only that, the friendship will be well and truly dead and any time you do end up spending with her will be awkward beyond belief.

Imagine how it would feel if you did agree to a friendship with your ex girlfriend. Sooner or later you are going to feel used and discarded by her when she moves on. You will be constantly hoping for something more than she is willing to give you. You will have to see her constantly, a daily reminder of what you loved about her in the first place. You will pine like a lost puppy after her and it will be obvious that your feelings for her never really went away. Do you really want to be putting yourself through this perpetual trauma of being spurned and hurt? Hasn’t the break up injured you enough already?

If your ex girlfriend has made it clear that she does not want any romantic dealings with you, then it is your interests to walk away. She cannot have everything her own way. She shouldn’t want to put you in any more pain than she has already anyway. If she cares about your feelings at all, she will realise that making you stay friends with her is just downright cruel.

Did She Suggest Staying Friends?

She has an agenda of her own of course. It is entirely in her interest to keep you in her life, in case she should need you. It is difficult to make a clean break from a person that you have spent so much time with and become dependent upon. The breakup has been painful for her too. She doesn’t want to lose you completely, so she suggests “We can still be friends.” Many men have fallen foul of this empty platitude. If you are honest with yourself, friendship is the ultimate booby prize, she knows it too. This way she gets to have her cake and eat it too. She still gets to have you in her life, but she doesn’t have to have a committed relationship with you. WIN WIN for her and big LOSE to you.

It is actually a very selfish and thoughtless request. She is only taking her needs into account and not thinking through how it may affect you. If you agree to being friends with your ex girlfriend, she will ultimately end up using and abusing you. It is inevitable. She knows that you still have feelings for her and don’t want to lose her, so you will do anything to keep her close. She is also in a favourable position to change her mind whenever she so chooses. Maybe she will want male comfort, someone to talk to, someone who understands her. You will be supporting her like any good friend would, and then all of a sudden you are given the cold shoulder whilst she distances herself from you again. You will never know where you stand with her. Women are emotional creatures and after a split, they will be unsure of what they want for a while.

What if she wants a friends with benefits arrangement? The sex is great and all, but when you know the feelings aren’t there on her part, how will that make you feel? You could quickly end up hating her. You want her to sleep with you because she loves and desires you, not because you are an easy option and comfortable. If you don’t have any self respect, how will she ever respect you enough to see you as anything more than a friend?

If your ex girlfriend has given you ultimatums, saying that it is friendship or nothing, then she has backed you into a corner. She is using manipulation and guilt trips to get her own way. Be careful to what you agree to as it gives her license to do whatever she wants.

Friendship Can Work If You Both Have Moved On Emotionally

It’s not all doom and gloom though. There are instances when a friendship with your ex girlfriend can work. There are numerous stories of exes who have become lifelong friends, even going on holidays together and becoming besties with their ex’s new partner. Maybe you cannot see that happening with you and your ex girlfriend, but it is possible. You can be sure that there is a common denominator in the friendships that do work out. They are both on the same page about the breakup, they no longer have feelings for each other and have moved on and they have spent time apart before tackling a friendship with their ex. If you too are in this situation, then all well and good. Friendship shouldn’t be too much of an outlandish hope for the future.

I’m guessing though, if you are reading this, that you have your doubts. Maybe you know that you are not ready, you think that your ex girlfriend wants more than friendship, or perhaps you still have feelings for her. Its time to be honest with yourself before you embark on any kind of post breakup relationship with your ex girlfriend.

What If She Finds A New Boyfriend?

Maybe you have not considered the possibility that your ex girlfriend already has her eye on someone else. She could be attempting to keep you around as a backup plan, just in case it doesn’t work out with the new guy. The last thing that you want is to be waiting around on the sidelines until she figures out what to do with you next.

Do you really want to be around watching your ex girlfriend falling in love with someone else? Inevitably, she will be telling you, her new best bud, all about this new guy. Imagine having to smile and and nod and give her advice on this new relationship. It will be excruciating for you and incredibly hurtful. If you broke up because she is over you and wants to move on with someone else, the last place that you should be is by her side, supporting her on her new adventure. The best place for you to be is as far away from her as possible, for your own sake and mental health. There really is no need to put yourself through anymore torture.

Being Clear About Boundaries

If you do both want to retain a friendship, be clear about what each of you want and expect. You have to be open and honest, both of you cannot have any romantic attachments or feelings for each other anymore, and you have to establish clear guidelines and codes of conduct so that you know exactly where you stand.

The same also goes for your behaviour. There is no point in saying one thing and doing another. Giving your ex girlfriend mixed signals and blowing hot and cold on her will destroy any trust and respect between you. Constantly changing your mind about what you want from your ex girlfriend spells disaster. Leading her on one minute, and then running from her the next is immature and selfish conduct. Be clear about what you want and expect from each other. Let your ex girlfriend know that the same amount of contact that you once had with each other, is not possible anymore. When you establish some ground rules, there is less of a chance of causing hurt and confusion down the line.

Remember, you must stick to your guns here and make her aware that you are serious. Men can be easily manipulated when they are in love, so be firm with her. She has feelings too that you should respect.

What To Do If You Still Want Her

can you be friends with your ex gf, is it possible to be friends with an ex girlfriend, being friends with my ex girlfriendIf you want to get back together with your ex girlfriend then you have to be upfront with her from the outset. Tell her that being friends with her is not possible for you as you want more than that. Then she will know exactly where you stand and the ball in then in her court. You have made it clear that you will not settle for any second prize, that it is all or nothing, so she will now have to act quickly if she doesn’t want to lose you from her life. It is an effective reverse psychology tactic.

Truth is, she probably expected that you would accept friendship because you didn’t want to lose her. When you show her that you have self respect enough to expect better behaviour from her, she will respect you more in return. Being a man and standing up to her is actually very attractive. It shows that you are not a pathetic walkover. It will also shock her into action. If she thinks that she stands a very real chance of losing you, she will begin to reassess the breakup altogether and think about what she really wants. Once panic sets in, she could come running back to you, begging you for another chance. Sometimes, a healthy reality check is all someone needs to wake up.

Another positive outcome of refusing to be friends with your ex girlfriend, is that she will start to miss you, and fast. Once you remove yourself from her life, there will be a massive void that she cannot ignore. It might just kick her into realising that the last thing that she wants is just a friendship with you. You have to give her the chance to miss you for her to see that she cannot live without you, so be strong, direct and firm about what you want. Be nice about it too.

Whilst your ex girlfriend is pining in the background, you should be learning more about how to be attractive to her again. You need to fight the urge to contact her for one. That means staying off Facebook, whatssapp and any other social media contact with her. If you remove yourself from her line of sight completely, it will serve to make her desire you even more. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Show her what she is missing.

Reading up on female psychology is also a must. Understanding why she is behaving the way she is will give you the upper hand. You can plan your next moves and know what to expect with her when she gets back in contact with you. Another good idea is being able to read the signs that your ex girlfriend has moved on. If she is not exhibiting any signals that tell you that you still have a chance with her, it is best for you to let go.

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Your Next Step

A good start would be to know exactlfriends with ex girlfriend, should yu be friends with your ex girlfriend, being friends with an ex girlfriendy where you stand with your ex girlfriend. Things are not good between you at the moment, so you are unlikely to ask her how she feels about you. That is why you should be taking things into your own hands and reading the signs for yourself. The female of the species can be contradictory. She may say one thing and act another way, which will confuse you completely. Delving into the female psyche is a powerful tool in your arsenal right now. That is where the experts come in.

Brad Browning is an expert in human psychology and explaining why people act a certain way post breakup. He has given thousands of couples strategies to get back their exes. His techniques are powerful and work fast to turn around a seemingly hopeless situation.

He will teach you what you should be doing now to create desire with your ex girlfriend again. Watch the video to your right to get started and discover how the female mind works.

 

 

 

 

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