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Reasons Why Your Ex Boyfriend Ignores You After The Break Up

Why Does My Ex Boyfriend Ignore Me?

It’s not pleasant to be in this situation. When an ex boyfriend refuses to speak to you after your breakup, it can hurt just as much as being dumped, sometimes more. It is a double blow and another kick in the guts. If you felt bad already about the separation, the lack of contact from your ex boyfriend just adds insult to injury.

Your texts are going unanswered, your calls are being blocked, your social media comments are met with silence. Make no mistake, your ex boyfriend doesn’t want to speak to you, but why? It is up to you to find out the real reasons, because he is obviously not going to be forthcoming and reveal all. Time to go detective.

First of all, you have to realise that you cannot force your ex boyfriend to talk to you again. No amount of coercion, tantrums or guilt trips are going to get him to open up. In fact, it will ultimately have the opposite affect on him and end up pushing your ex boyfriend further and further away. You want him to want to talk to you, for it to be his own decision. Let him come to you.

There are ways to speed this process up. You cannot plunge into this process head first though. You must know what you are doing before you tackle this situation first. Otherwise, you could end up making the situation worse and your ex boyfriend will disappear from your life so quickly that all you will see is dust rising from his shoes as he tears down the road away from you.

Now is the time for caution. In the background you should be learning all that you can about male psychology and what men feel and think after a breakup. You need to stand in his shoes for a minute to see how he is reacting to your split. I know that it is easy to fall into a self perpetuating spiral of pity and anger. All you can see right now is how the break up has affected you, how you feel, the wrongs that have been done to you. Your ex boyfriend is going through a lot of upheaval too though. It is time for you to see things from his perspective if you ultimately want to get him to reach out to you again and get back together down the line. Understanding why he is giving you the silent treatment is the first step in getting him to talk to you again. So chin up, let’s knuckle down and change your current state of despair. Not all is lost yet, far from it.

Why Your Ex Boyfriend Is Avoiding You After The Breakup

There are many reasons why your ex boyfriend is avoiding you like the plague. Not all of them are your fault though. Let’s face the hard truth for a second. Some of your behaviours since your breakup could have made an already bad situation, worse. When emotions are fraught and a lot of pain is involved, it is normal to be reactionary and do things that are out of character for you. Things probably got said that you aren’t proud of. You may have forgotten some of the words uttered to him, but rest assured, he remembers every one of them and they caused him pain too. Maybe you wanted him to hurt like you are hurting. Maybe you wanted to get a reaction out of him, to test him to see if he still cares. Whatever the reasons, the words cannot be unsaid now.

He may just need some time to himself and doesn’t want to speak to you because of the hurt you have caused him. He thinks that by cutting contact with you, he will not have to feel anymore emotional turmoil. Remember, you both have an enormous ability to hurt each other in the days and weeks after your split. Anything said in anger will cut like a knife and be swimming around in your head for eternity.

The same goes for your ex boyfriend. Your words and actions still have the potential to harm him and hurt him deeply. So, his inclination is to protect himself as much as possible. That sadly means that he avoids all contact with you. It is a survival mechanism. It’s nothing personal either, just part of the healing and grieving process and you have to be patient with him.

He Cannot Deal With Your Emotions Right Now

Women tend to be a lot more emotionally unstable after a breakup. You probably have already cried in front of your ex boyfriend, pleaded on him to reconsider, used guilt tactics to make him talk to you, or exchanged angry outbursts with him. This is normal behaviour and completely understandable, but you cannot continue behaving in this negative way if you want things to change between you. You are ultimately pushing your ex further and further away from you as you desperately try to cling to him.

These sorts of negative emotions can be incredibly difficult to cope with for anyone, especially for your ex boyfriend. Think about it. Have you talked the ear of your sister, mum or best friend about your breakup? Have they gotten frustrated with you yet? Do your friends avoid the subject now entirely and seem wary of talking anymore about it? All of this negative and emotional tall takes its toll on you, your family and your friends, so what is not like for your ex boyfriend?

Your ex boyfriend probably feels a certain amount of guilt too. It is obvious to him that you are hurting and not taking the break up well and he feels powerless, unable to help you. Men don’t deal with emotions well and they don’t know how to react to tears and tantrums, it can actually be kind of scary for them. In this hopeless situation he probably thinks that the best course of action is to give you space to heal and deal with your emotions. He doesn’t want to put you through the pain of seeing or interacting with him anymore. He likely feels that he is doing the best thing for you in the long run. Him keeping his distance could be him trying to help you get over him quicker.

He Is Hurting Too

There is also a good chance that he is in a lot of emotional pain right now too. Perhaps seeing you, hearing your voice or being reminded of what he has lost, is too much for him to deal with. He has feelings too, even though he hasn’t been great at showing them to you, it doesn’t mean that he feels nothing. There are bound to be a lot of residual attachments to you still and he is trying to work through those on his own and make sense of your relationship. Being constantly reminded of you is only adding greater heart ache and he wants to avoid that at all costs. You can’t blame him for wanting some private time and space to sort out his head. He needs it too.

Whatever the reasons for your breakup, there have been things said on both sides that neither of you can forget. It takes a lot of time for anger, resentment and hurt to dissipate. He has to work through these conflicting feelings to be able to work out what went wrong and what he wants from you in the future. If you are constantly badgering him on social media or sending him texts, it will only confuse him more and make him run further.

He Has Moved On Before You

Unfortunately, there is the possibility that your ex boyfriend has moved on with his life. It may be a lot faster than you expected, but he could have been extricating himself emotionally from you for months prior to your breakup. Sometimes he just doesn’t want to talk because he feels that there is nothing left to say, he has drawn a line under your relationship and he wants to make that VERY clear to you. This is not easy to accept and something that will take some time to adjust to, but time does heal and you can end up realising that he was not right for you in months to come.

If your ex boyfriend has moved on, then you will have to be strong and retain some self respect. The more you hound him with guilt trips, manipulate him into talking to you, or play the drama queen card, the more unattractive you will be in his eyes. Take a cold hard look at your behaviour now and realise that you need to change things to get a more positive response from your ex boyfriend. Self awareness is an incredibly powerful tool in your arsenal and it can drastically change the outcome. Knowing when to step back and accept the situation will actually work in your favour and make you much more attractive to your ex boyfriend.

He Wants To Get A Reaction From You

Just like you have been desperate to provoke any kind of reaction from your ex boyfriend, he wants the same. If he can still push your buttons and illicit an angry or emotional response from you, he will know for sure that he still has power over you and can still affect you. That is a big clue to him that you still have feelings for him. It is a clever way of him working out where he stands with you.

Giving you the silent treatment is one of the most common strategies that an ex will use on you. It can get a reaction a lot faster than any other tactic. It is a form of reverse psychology. If he makes you miss him like mad, then you are much more likely to reach out and contact him. It is the most effective way to drive you mad and he knows it.

He may also be trying to get revenge on you for the breakup. He has been hurt too and he wants you to hurt just as much. It is not a mature way to handle the situation, but it is a very human one and many of us fall prey to this impulse. At least it shows that you still affect him. If he is trying so hard to hurt you, he must still have feelings for you. After all, if he has completely moved on and didn’t care anymore, he wouldn’t bother being so nasty, would he?

Why You Need To Change Your Behaviour First

People want to be around those that uplift them, make them happy and comfortable, not with a misery guts who is completely self involved and talks about her breakup over and over again. I know that this is tough to hear, but you need to hear it for your own good. It is time to realise that your negative behaviour is doing you harm and distressing everyone around you. You have to stop feeling sorry for yourself NOW if you want you ex boyfriend to respond favorably to you. Remember, he has to want to talk to you of his own volition. To make this happen you will have to get out of this detrimental spiral of self hate and depression. You have to be a positive person to be around and not constantly whine about your breakup or break down every time you hear a soppy song on the radio.

Your ex boyfriend needs to see that you have changed, he needs to be sure that you will not start yapping about the breakup, start fighting with him or begging him to take you back, if he does call. So, in private you have every right to wail and lament about the hurt and despair you are feeling – in fact it is cathartic an a necessary part of the healing process. You have to have a strong outward public face though and show him that you are mature, have grown and are much more approachable. These are attractive traits and ones that he will notice right away. You will be laying the groundwork to make him want to get in touch with you again, even reconsider the breakup entirely.

So, get a journal and write down everything that you are feeling on paper. Get it all out, all the pain, agony, hurt, anger and pity that you feel. These pages will not judge you or make you feel ashamed. You cannot bury all of the hurt inside you either, it will manifest itself when you least expect it in an emotional outburst. You need to heal too. Go to your journal when you need to vent, not anyone that will listen. You have to be very careful who you say things to or it could get back to your ex boyfriend. Writing things down can help you to make sense of things too. When you are less emotional you can revisit your thoughts and understand why you felt that way.

There needs to be a drastic change in order for your ex boyfriend to want to get in touch with you again. Nothing thus far has worked, so you need to do something different. It can be difficult to look at yourself honestly and work out what went wrong for you to get to this stage. It is an essential part of the process though. You must do the work if you want a more positive outcome with your ex. You will soon see that dealing with the situation maturely and calmly will have better results for you in the long run. It is all about saving face and undoing the damage that has already been done. He may never forget the things that you said or did to him, but he will see how you have changed and be much more willing to open the lines of communication again.

Making Him Want To Contact You

The fundamental secret to making your ex boyfriend stop ignoring you and reach out, is actually quite simple. You MUST make him miss you first. Your ex boyfriend is not going to start sending you texts again if you are not on his mind. To constantly be on his mind and make him crave you, you have to use reverse psychology on him. Stop making yourself so available to him. He knows that you are willing to converse with him at the drop of a hat, if he so chooses, you have already made that abundantly obvious to him.

If you are always present you will never give your ex boyfriend the chance to miss you. You have to create a longing in him in order for him to be desperate to see you and hear your voice again. Play the long game and realise that this temporary lack of contact is worth it in the end if it makes your ex want you.

It is time to remove yourself from the equation entirely. That means that you have to stop pestering him with texts, phone calls, social media posts, calling at his house, trying to bump into him. Just STOP. If you are serious about wanting to reestablish contact, you have to have some self control. This part is hard, when every inclination you have is to be with him and connect again. However, psychology proves that this is an effective technique to use on an ex. It will make him sit up and take notice of you again, and fast. You want big results and you want them quickly. You have already too long for things to change. So now is the time to put a plan in place and establish some self restraint. You will be surprised just how powerful this simple technique is.

It is time to become an enigma. You want to create a sense of mystery again. Make your ex boyfriend curious about what you are up to all the time. Drive him mad with outlandish scenarios in his head. This is much more powerful than posting all over Facebook what you are up to every second of the day. That becomes very boring and obvious fast. You are not doing things for his benefit or making it obvious that you are trying to make him see what he is missing. You have to be more subtle than this. Acting as if you are too busy to worry about contacting him is where you power lies.

Your Next Step – Getting Your Ex Desperate To Talk To You

Once your ex boyfriend does start to make contact with you again, you must know what you are doing and how to respond. There is no point in laying all of this groundwork for you to go and blow it and be back at square one.

Your emotions have to be balanced, you cannot start bringing up grudges or show anger towards him. This will shut him down even more than previously. There are certain things that you should be doing and saying to create a sense of longing in your ex boyfriend and make him remember how good it feels to be with you. Bringing up the bad stuff and addressing the breakup is for a later time down the line when you have established trust and communication again.

Reigniting the desire that your ex boyfriend had for you before the breakup is crucial now. There are proven techniques that you need to implementing now to get him crazy about you again. There are also loads of negative behaviours that you should be avoiding completely.

The key is to make him regret the breakup entirely. This can be done if you know how to go about it. You just need to rely on male psychology to make him realise that the split was a mistake. Stopping your ex boyfriend ignoring you is actually quite easy. Learn how by watching the video above. You will discover exactly what you should be doing next.

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One Response to “Reasons Why Your Ex Boyfriend Ignores You After The Break Up”

  • Dee says:

    This article really helped me. Thank you. I know that I have been doing everything wrong with my ex up until now. I’m just worried that it is too late and I have said too many things for him to forgive me. Also, we broke up 4 months ago. Is this too long of a time gap to work thing out? We were together for 3 years and now he doesn’t talk to me at all. He broke up with me because I wasn’t ready for marriage. I dont want to lose him though. Thank you for your advice you sent me…it is really useful information and I’m learning so much.

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